I
have struggled with my weight and eating on and off for years, I have lost
loads and put it back on in typical yo-yo dieting fashion. I have had binge eating
and vomiting issues and seen psychologists. I have used hypnotherapy and I went for three years with no sugary treats, puddings, sweets etc. When it comes down to it I know I have to eat
less and move more as that is the only way to lose weight. Sadly my eating
issues, especially around sugar, mean that it is not as simple as it sounds.
In 2018 I thought I had cracked it with the Paul McKenna hypnotism book and CD, Get Control of Sugar. I stopped eating sugary food and lost 34 pounds. Three years later I made the mistake of starting to eat sugar again. A year later I have gone from a size 12 to a size 18 and put on more weight than I lost.
In principal I don’t agree with cutting out any kind of food, unless you have an allergy of course, but sadly sugar is my nemesis and it has to go.
I won’t be eating any cakes, sweets, biscuits, chocolates, puddings etc.
I will be eating fruit as I am not so bad with natural sugar.
Yes there is sugar in foods like bread and that is not an issue.
I don’t like alcohol so that is one sugary thing I don’t need to worry about.
I avoid as many processed foods as possible so the sugar in the occasional processed thing won’t be an issue.
For various psychological reasons I will binge on cakes, sweets, chocolates, biscuits etc until I feel sick and am in pain. The pain of feeling so full and the disgust after bingeing is so abhorrent at the time yet so easily forgotten. You forget the stomach pain and the desire to be empty where it would be better to keep hold of that feeling and use it as a valuable tool. The exhaustion, lethargy and headaches that follow should also be a deterrent but are not.
I am dealing with these issues with a private psychotherapist and it is worth every penny. It is so valuable to be able to discuss how I feel, why I eat and how to stop. I should have listened to him weeks ago when he suggested that I give up the sugar again, but I am a stubborn old bag at the best of times.
The other issue I have is the menopause. (I said it would be an honest diary.) I don’t really know the science but basically women struggle with losing weight and added belly fat when they are menopausal. (Among a million other things.) That’s life and I shall deal with it, but I am kicking myself because if I hadn’t put the last few stone back on it would all have been easier.
The only person who can lose the weight is me; no one is force feeding me. I am hoping that writing this as a series on my blog will give me something to focus on.
Finding things to do that make me happy is a key thing in distracting me from the bingeing. I recently went back to writing this eclectic blog after over a year of silence. Writing that first post after such a long time felt like a real achievement as it would have been so easy to let it slide. I walked to work the next day and felt physically lighter. I think it was pride and relief to be honest. I am no great writer but I do enjoy it.
I am exactly 5 foot tall (162.5cm)
I currently weigh 176 pounds (79.8kg)
I am a UK size 18.
It
is not fun writing that down as 3 years ago I was 138 pounds and a size 12. If
I have to record that on here each time I will definitely want the numbers to
go down (Not my height of course as it’s a pain reaching high things already.)
I did discuss writing this blog series with my psychotherapist as I was concerned that it would come across as narcissistic or attention seeking, he did think it was a good idea and might be of help to me.
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| What I aspire to look like again. 138 pounds. March 2018 |
