Where did you get that hat??

I have always had an inability to place a hat on my head without looking totally daft. I regularly see people sporting all kinds of hats and looking completely fabulous, sadly I am not one of them.

As soon as I put on any kind of headgear I know I am headed for that look where I could very easily look like I have been allowed to dress myself despite an inability to do so. My look screams “escaped from the asylum and grabbed someone else's hat on the way out”

Now this is really not an exaggeration as anyone who has been unlucky enough to be in my hat wearing presence will tell you. Yes, I do have a tendency to pull a daft face as soon as I put a hat on but I don’t think it would make the slightest bit of difference if I didn’t.

I have actually asked the opinion of the man working in the hat department of M&S in regard to whether a hat suited me. His face said it all while he continued to make polite platitudes until I explained that I needed an honest opinion and would not be offended. He then very politely pointed out the flaws in each hat I tried on.

There are friends of mine who look fabulous in woolly hats, others who suit the baker boy style and some who seem to be able to pull of any kind of headgear. You see women all the time with all manner of things perched on their heads who look glamorous and confident and totally fabulous.

Where some look kooky and cool in a woolly hat, I just look like the girl in the advert for the Blair Witch project crossed with Benny from Crossroads. Woolly hats also tend to plaster my hair to my head in an attractive “just been caught in a deluge” kind of way.

Of course I have tried other kinds of hat but every style I try, whether it is baker boy, baseball or straw hat, they always look wrong like I have borrowed someone else’s hat. As for wearing a fascinator, well the something dropped on your head look is just not cool. I have not got the style to pull off the jaunty side of the head look so it looks like I am wearing a hat for a doll instead of a fascinator.

I wonder if an Australian cork hat swag man style would suit me then I realise that I would probably be the first person ever to take out an eye or get a fat lip from a swinging cork from a piece of headgear and this would really not enhance my image in the slightest.

So I know I can't get away with a bonnet, ( too horrific) a turban, ( too high) a sombrero, ( too wide) a stetson,  ( still too wide) a crown, ( too common) a tiara ( too fussy) or a bandanna. ( I am just not cool enough).

To be honest I have come to the conclusion that the only style of hat I could get away with would be the SAS/ bank robber style balaclava with the eye holes. These ski masks totally hide the identity of the wearer so I could walk round anonymously and everyone would be oblivious to the fact that it would be me. Sorted for next winter then......watch out for me on the news after my inevitable capture by armed police. J

My Filofax collection..... Blog Filofax set up.

Filofaxes have so many uses besides the normal diary/ address book set up. As a collector with quite a few planners in my collection, I have the luxury of using different ones for different purposes.

The planners I want to talk about today are the ones I use for my blog. I have one two identical black A5 Filofaxes which my daughter was given at a clearance at a previous firm she worked at. I believe that they are Metropol’s but it does not say. There is a small black embossed logo on the front of each one but it doesn't notice. (In the front it says Filofax A5 organiser deluxe leather)

I would have liked orange Filofaxes for my blog notes but am using what I have and have added an orange, striped coffee cup charm to each one. They are each made from mobile phone charm cords from the craft shop and a tiny china mug which I ordered on-line

I started with one but soon separated into both Filofaxes as I print a copy of each post. I know it’s an on line blog but I like to have a printed copy. That is just me I suppose. I print on A5, punch the holes down the short side and fold over.

The other organiser is full of notes, diary inserts of my posts and ideas. I have a Paperchase, week on two pages diary and write the name of the blog post on the date it was published.

Some of my blog post ideas are on a list and some are scraps of paper half written and tucked in the front. I sometimes brainstorm and come up with potential ideas for my rather diverse blog. Other times I just start typing or writing and thinking about it as I go along.

The A5 dividers have are particularly nice and very eclectic, so go well with my blog. I bought them on-line a few years ago from very nice lady with a little business making planner accessories. I can’t find her now but the dividers are rather good.

I also have an A5 personal flex in purple which I take to Nero’s coffee shop to write in. For some reason their atmosphere is very conducive to writing. (They do a mean cappuccino cake too)

I do have blog business cards that I give out to people who ask where they can find the blog. These are good for a bit of self promotion and they fit nicely into the front card slots of my blog Filofax.

                                                                                                                                                   

My Dad’s Guest Rant

The following rant, for want of a better word, is from my Dad. I am amazed at how our writing styles are so similar. I think this may be where I get my sarcastic, stroppy side. J

I know I'm too old to really understand texting: the buttons are too small, my
eyesight is not great, and I insist on all the spelling, spacing and punctuation
being correct, so I often acknowledge incoming texts with just “OK”.
So can anyone tell me why predictive text replaces my “OK” with “MONKL”?
It’s not an English word; I have never texted it before; “OK” doesn't even start
with an M; so why would it predict that I wanted a word that doesn't even exist?

I know it’s all done by computer algorithm, but someone must have been paid to
programme it and thought MONKL was a good idea. That’s madness.
If anyone is passing my house, walk fast, because a phone could fly through the
window any minute now.   

Contributed by Paul Morehead.

Summertime....... why she and I do not get on.

Well that’s blown it! Summer is arriving at a sprint and my diet has gone horribly wrong........ I have put on eight pounds. I am not entirely sure how that happened but it has and needs to be rectified immediately. Summer clothes are not forgiving. Floaty dresses don’t float if you are fat..... FACT! Showing your arms is not good when they have expanded and who wants to see someone carrying a few (quite a few) extra pounds and wearing something skimpy.

To be honest summer is not my favourite season for several reasons. Firstly I get hay fever and no one can look or feel good with a snotty nose and streaming red eyes. Secondly I burn after thirty seconds in the sun so have to immerse myself in factor 50. My legs will NEVER change colour......fact! Last time I got my legs out an anaemic snowman laughed at me. (Seriously).

The heat and I do not agree with each other no matter how much water I drink. I don’t really sweat I just get hotter and hotter and go red and overheat. Coupled with the runny nose, streaming eyes and white legs you are probably starting to paint a picture in your head now.

So summer is the time to put on your flip flops and enjoy life without boots, coats, hats and umbrellas. Personally I would get rid of all the above apart from the boots. I have osteoarthritis in one foot and they are the most comfortable thing I can wear. This is sad as I do, like many others, love to slip on a pair of flip flops on a summer day.

So I think we should re cap how I will look this summer.  I will be overweight, dragging my dodgy ankle, nose running, eyes streaming, a bright red face and smothered in factor 50. Well putting it that way I am quite a catch. J

Me on the beach at Chideock.....

Introducing Bob

Hello lovely people. I have to introduce you all to Bob. Now I know what you are thinking, Bob is a funny name for an obviously female mannequin, but I have my reasons. When I was first looking at mannequins I asked my son if he could get me one for birthday and Christmas. I said to him “I promise not to talk to it and call it Bob”....... and the rest, as they say, is history.

There were two reasons to get Bob, one being that I needed a model for clothes posts on here. Once I started looking at mannequins online I realised they were rather beautiful. The wire construction makes for an object which is ornamental without being fussy and cluttered. 

 Bob's first modelling assignment was to show of some of my favourite winter dresses.

 Bob's also an expert handbag model despite being rather armless. She is not too good at shoe modelling however, but we can forgive her that as my shoe collection is not great.

Before giving me Bob, my son gave me a smaller package. On opening it I found mini Bob. For a moment I thought my son had misunderstood what I wanted but he could not hide the fact that this was a joke Bob. Mini Bob is approximately 12 inches and Bob is 60 inches.

Since getting my two original Bob's I also found a skinny Bob in a charity shop while shopping with a friend.

 Mini and skinny Bob 

Bob will be a regular contributor to my blog as she continues her modelling career.

Bob and the Bobettes (as named by a friend) enjoying a "holiday" at the top of the stairs while I had visitors staying.

My letter to National Rail

The following is the letter which I have just emailed to the customer relations people at National Rail. It may come across as a tad sarcastic. Let’s see if I get a response. J

Dear British Rail, National Rail, British Snail or whatever you are now called.

I would like a logical explanation as to why we can’t buy a monthly or weekly rail ticket before midday if the dates don’t run consecutively? This means that if our ticket ends on a Friday we either wait until Sunday afternoon to buy another ticket or waste two days when we know we are not going to be travelling.

The staff at Woking station have explained that “the machines will not allow them to sell the tickets before midday”. I am a little surprised that this is a reason given as a human being made the decision to program the machine to do this. The ticket machines do not think for themselves!!! They are not a C3PO/ R2D2 hybrid; they are pre-programmed ticket machines.

I can buy a single ticket for next week, next month or a day in July so the “ticket machines” are well aware there is a future; they have not got goldfish in a bowl, short memory syndrome. Someone, somewhere made the decision to penalise weekly and monthly ticket holders, I am not sure why because we suffer enough travelling by train.

I would also like to draw your attention to the ridiculous decision to shorten the Guildford to Woking six pm train from ten carriages to five. (As confirmed by a member of your train crew) This is a very busy train and I object to playing “sardines” with a bunch of smelly, grumpy strangers. This is not my idea of a fun way to end my working day.

Not only is every seat taken but there are passengers in the aisles and stuffed into the areas between the seating sections like a dangerous game of “how many idiots can you get in a mini” played forcibly by your passengers.

I would be very interested in getting a response to my questions.

Regards

Sara Williams

Dear Diary.... Thoughts for the day :-) 25.04.2016

Dear Diary......today....25.04.2016

My thoughts for the day:

·        Why does no-one ever attempt to join in with a flash mob as if they should be there? They could totally dance the wrong steps and mess it up. Who would know apart from the dancers themselves???

·        I wish I could draw, especially cartoons. There are so many funny ideas in my head. If I could draw I would be a brilliant cartoonist.

·        Am I the only person who has not yet seen Game of Thrones? The name makes me think of an elaborate chess game using dwarves. (I know there is a dwarf in it). I have also heard there is a lot of death and incest...... sounds like a riot. Not too good at watching a whole series so will probably give GOT a miss.